I will attend mass, but not take communion. I cannot participate in that mockery.Christmas Day will be worse. First the gift-giving; then we will join my uncle and my detestable brother at the Augustinerkirche. And the next day, the ladies will return to St. Stephen’s to celebrate his having been stoned to death. That was for his blasphemy. What of theirs’? Insincere. Faithless.Was I any better? I had certainly led a sinful life. Fatally sinful. Perhaps my various pains were to atone for the previous pleasures. Then the coming days would be my penance. I would even attempt restraining sarcastic remarks directed towards Maria Josepha and Maria Theresa. Actually, I had to admit that I preferred my step-mother to my spouse.*I was a good student as a boy. I just wasn’t interested in what my father nor his brother wanted me to learn. And Albrecht was worse. Visiting two churches successively brought Jerome’s Latin back to me: In principio erat Verbum, et Verbum erat apud Deum, et Deus. You are to give yourself only to me.”I let that sink in before commenting. “I ... I have never said no to Donny.”I could see him thinking about that for a moment. “If he says he desires you ... or if he starts to do it with you, just tell him that you don’t want to.” He paused. “That’s true, isn’t it?”My breath caught for a moment. “Yes. That’s true,” I said at last, barely able to form the words.And then I held him tightly as he practiced his new right of exclusivity.... CASE FILES - PERSONAL NOTES - PATIENT 105 - DAY 16LORETTAAre you as deep as you can go, Donny?DONNYYes, Loretta.LORETTAThe doctor and I were both surprised when you called and wanted to move your appointment up. I just saw you yesterday. You seemed very anxious when you came this morning. But I don’t want that to be the case now. I want you to feel detached and calm.DONNYYes. Detached and calm. That’s a good way to describe it. I feel that way. Yes.LORETTAPlease remain in that state and tell me why you wanted to see.
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